Childless and single in my thirties is definitely not a phrase I thought I would be saying. Honestly, the world feels so heavy right now and it has really caused me to reflect on this topic. When I am going through my feels, I always find it so therapeutic to write about it.
Being Single
We can start with being single. I really think that I was sometimes born in the wrong era. Today, dating is a like a shopping cart. Online apps take away from getting to know someone in a meaningful way because the next option is a swipe away. Yes, there have been so many success stories, but I do feel that the majority of people struggle.
I didn’t expect to be single at 36. However, I am someone who will not settle just to have a partner. I’ve created a life that I am proud of. As I’ve gotten older, singleness hits a little harder. When I’m sick or stressed at work, I would love to have someone there to support me and pick up the slack. I want to add someone to my life that enhances it. I’m so fortunate to have so many wonderful experiences that it would be nice to have someone one day to share it with.
Being Childless
I have always felt I was meant to be a mother. Honestly, I expected to have multiple kids running around by this point. I even used to joke that I wanted six kids. At 17, I was diagnosed with PCOS and told it would be hard for me to have kids. Now at my age, the odds are not in my favor. Even if I found someone tomorrow, it would be a difficult task.
I have gone back and forth on adoption. I have two adopted brothers and know that there are so many children out there who could use a loving home. However, I have never wanted to raise a child by myself on purpose. And then I feel selfish for thinking that. Another factor is the financial impact. I’m still working my way out of some debt and want to be able to fully provide for a child in the way that they deserve. There is so much volatility in the world that it’s something that weighs heavily on me.
Where To Go From Here
I’m someone who loves to be in control and being unable to control this is much harder than I would like to admit. So, I’m going to focus on what I can control. My priorities are getting my health and finances in order. I’m going to continue to put myself out there and try new things.
Most importantly, I’m not going to let being childless and single in my thirties stop me from living my life. I’m going to travel, I’m going to enjoy good meals, and I’m going to create memories. While I don’t know what the future holds, I’m going to live life to the fullest.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading some of my vulnerable thoughts. If you in the same place and maybe going through similar things, you are not alone. You can check out more blog posts here. You can support me by shopping my Amazon Storefront or my ShopMy.
Xoxo
Janelle
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